No, I’m not alright, No you can’t do anything to help, but that’s ok and you are sweet to offer.
In the past few months, I have given quite a lot of thought to happiness. I think we as Americans have an unhealthy relationship with happiness. It seems to be ingrained into our culture that if we are not happy, we are not healthy. After all, the two concepts are intertwined in our lexicon.
Happy and healthy go together like burgers and fries after all. We have even codified the pursuit of happiness into the founding documents that established our country. I believe that this desire and ingrained expectation of happiness is the root cause of much of the misery felt by us. The juxtaposition between the reality of the world and the expectation of success and happiness creates a divergence in our hearts. If I’m sad, there must be something wrong. If I am depressed, I am sick (I understand that depression can be quite debilitating and am not suggesting otherwise).
Through some trials and tragedies in my life I have come to think that unhappiness is the norm. The world is a difficult place and is draconic in its punishment of the unfortunate. Why would every day be smiles and sunshine in such a world?
The Cynics of the ancient past understood this concept. Not the founder of cynicism, but probably its most famous practitioner was Diogenes in ancient Greece. He lived the philosophical concepts of cynicism in his daily life. Often deemed mad, disheveled, and called a vagrant due to his choice of lifestyle, he would sit in a town square preaching philosophy to passersby. He would insult people for their ambitions, engage in crassness, but he would live his life the way he preached, which is very rare in this world.
He and the other Cynics suggested that the pursuit of wealth, happiness, possessions, and other material evidence of a healthy happy person actually did the contrary. The Cynics suggest that the pursuit of virtue and living in harmony with nature are the key to life fulfillment. This is interesting to me, but ultimately I think this is just as impossible in the face of reality in the modern world as the pursuit of happiness as I earlier suggested. You only have to look at the example of Christopher McCandless.
Christopher sought out nature and the wild in his pursuit of a fulfilling life of meaning. In doing so he abandoned civilization and took to nature. He ultimately starved to death. His lesson shows that the average person does not have the skills necessary to shift to a life in pure harmony with nature.
Americans have evolved past the point where we can, with ease, live in the natural food-chain. Our diets cannot support such a lifestyle. We are used to clean water, freely and readily available. Sanitized food. Warmth and comfort. Most of us cannot survive in the absence of modern conveniences. As such Americans can certainly be cynical, but we are not cynics, in the philosophical sense.
I have also looked at the philosophy of Buddhism. Commonly known as a religion, my observations suggest that in addition to a religious belief, the teachings are more a philosophy of life. The lessons taught are ones of simplicity, internal observations of oneself, and the attempt at freedom from the desire for material wealth. There are many who live by these tenets throughout the world and in the United States, but I find that, like most philosophies and religions, it is difficult to live your life in the pure expression of the beliefs that form the basis of them. The goals are lofty, and they are noble, and their pursuit, should it offer people hope, is wonderful, but they are also in constant conflict with the world in which we live.
Now for the controversial parts. I have come to believe that many if not all of our problems in America stem from the difference between the perceived idea of what a life should be, and what the world allows it to be. The desire for the Ferrari, the McMansion, the Yeti tumblers and Stanley cups. Those are the types of desires that are being sold to us.
The perception that a life without these things is by definition an unhappy one. If I don’t have the latest greatest newest fanciest, then happiness cannot be reached. If my neighbor has a new car in their driveway and I am driving a rusted out ****box of a vehicle, I am failing. I understand the hypocrisy of me writing this having driven to work this morning in a fairly new Lincoln. I have been fortunate, but good fortune does not equal happiness.
Observation of the world that is sold to us from our first breath to the day we die pushes this ideal. Once called the American Dream, our whole country was built on this belief. That’s not the real American Dream, however. I think we as a people have lost the original intention of our founding fathers to ensure that we should have the freedom of the pursuit of happiness. We have lost the concept of the pursuit.
The American Dream is the freedom to pursue the happiness that you value. Pursuit being the most important element of this. This suggests that happiness is a goal, not an expectation. We have gotten away from this.
Am I happy? That’s a difficult question. If asked throughout the day from minute to minute, my answer would be no. But every now and again, a yes appears. I think the key to a calm life is to understand this. I am not wrong to be unhappy more often than not. Quite the contrary. I think that if you expect to be unhappy, then moments of joy feel that much better. I have summarized this concept with a simple sentence, one that I know I did not write, but I have lost the source so pardon my conceit to use it without attribution. “If you expect a kick in the nuts and get a slap in the face, it’s a victory”.
Some of you might think this is a sad way of living. This may be so, but I challenge you to think about this idea. Everything is relative and if you live your life thinking that everyone is happy around you and that that is the norm, then by comparison you will think that something is wrong with you.
Remember, most everyone puts on a happy face. A Midwest smile. But I fervently believe that deep in our hearts, my philosophy of living is the healthier way. So, am I ok? Yes. Am I happy? Sometimes, quite rarely though. Is there anything you can do to help? No, because there is nothing wrong with me, nor is there with you.
What can I do to help you?
