As you drive around town there are many elaborate light displays. The main streets of town have beautiful gold and white decorations hanging from the light poles. This Sunday will be the official lighting of Windmont and Northeast Parks. This is the season of light, a time of celebration.
All this talk of lights and celebration can be difficult for those who have experienced the death of a loved one during this past year or in years gone by. There seems to be a shroud of darkness covering the holiday season. Nothing is as it was in the past. Everything has changed. There is a gaping hole in our lives. We can’t concentrate. We are numb. We are lonely. We are angry. We are afraid. We just don’t feel like celebrating. So many of the familiar sights and sounds of Christmas bring us to tears.
We are caught between our personal grief and society’s demand that we get in the spirit of the season. What are we to do? How can we go on?
First of all, it is important to recognize that all of those emotions, all of those reactions are perfectly normal. The reality of our lives is changed forever when a loved one dies. Things are not the same. We need time to grieve. Even Jesus, who has power over death, wept at the death of his friend Lazarus. There is nothing odd, inappropriate or strange about your reactions to grief. You are not alone in your feelings.
And we are not alone in dealing with our feelings of grief and loss. St. Paul writes in the eighth chapter of Romans: “Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Our loving Lord walks with us every step of the way. There is nothing, not even death, that can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. As surely as our loved ones now live forever in the pure and perfect love of Christ, you and I can find comfort and strength in His love reaching out to enfold us and lift us up.
That’s what Christmas is all about. God loves us so much, that God took on human form and came to earth, to be born in a lowly manger, to walk the dusty roads of Galilee, to face humiliation and cruel death on the cross, to travel to the very depths of hell, that we might understand just how much he loves us. He died and rose again that we might live in the assurance that when we die, we will live forever in his perfect love.
That’s the gift of Christmas. Jesus Christ invites you today to rest in his outstretched arms of love. To face your grief enfolded in God’s embrace.
Let Christ’s love surround you. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Grief is work, hard, physically and emotionally demanding work. It drains your energy. It saps your strength.
So, you need to eat. You need to sleep. You need to be gentle with yourself.
It’s all right to do things differently this year. Skip those activities that require more energy than you have to expend. Scale back. Redefine your holiday expectations. Don’t set your expectations too high, because you’re sure to be disappointed. Be honest about what you can and cannot do.
Alter traditions to meet your needs. It’s okay. There is no one right way to celebrate the season – there is only one reason to celebrate, because Jesus Christ loves you, personally and unconditionally.
You might want to select a candle in your loved one’s favorite color and scent. Place it in a special area of your home and light it at a significant time throughout the holidays, signifying the light of the love that lives on in your heart.
Give yourself permission to express your feelings. Don’t apologize for them. If you feel an urge to cry, let the tears flow. Tears are healing. Scientists have found that certain brain chemicals in our tears are natural pain relievers.
And don’t feel guilty about laughing and enjoying yourself. Joy is not a sign of disrespect or a lack of caring for the one who has died. It is the outgrowth of the love you shared with that person and of your relationships with those you hold dear.
Shakespeare once said, “Give sorrow words…” Write an “un-sent letter” to your loved one expressing what you are honestly feeling toward him or her at this moment. After you compose the letter, you may decide to place it in a book, album or drawer in your home, leave it at a memorial site, tie it to a balloon and release it to the heavens, throw it away, or even burn it and let the ashes rise symbolically.
–When you are especially missing your loved one, call family members or dear friends and share your feelings. Talk about your memories.
–Visit the cemetery and have a quiet time of remembering.
–Play music that is comforting and meaningful to you. Take a few moments to close your eyes and feel the music within the center of your being.
–Give money you would have spent for gifts for your absent loved one to a charity in your family member’s name. Consider donating money to the public library to buy a particular book to be dedicated in his or her memory. Take the name of a child or of a nursing home resident from one of the trees available around town and buy a gift in honor of your loved one. Buy a gift to be sent to a soldier serving our country overseas.
–Watch a touching movie and have a good cry.
–Invite others who are alone or grieving to join you for dinner.
–If you usually write a Christmas letter, maybe you’d rather write one for Valentine’s Day or Easter this year.
–Write a journal of your feelings. Create a scrapbook or photo album to record your memories.
There are so many ways in which you can remember your loved one and celebrate his or her life during the holiday season. Only you know what is best for your individual circumstances.
When the days seem long and the darkness threatens to overpower you, remember the Christmas gospel according to John: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.”
Jesus Christ, the babe born in Bethlehem’s manger, is the light of the world…the light no darkness can overcome.
The good news of Christmas is that in the midst of a deep darkness there came a light, and the darkness was not able to overcome that light. It was not just a temporary flicker. It was an eternal flame.
We need to remember that. There are times, in the events of the world, and in the events of our own personal lives, when we feel that the light will be snuffed out. But the Christmas story affirms that whatever happens, the light still shines.
The ancient Hebrews were afraid of the darkness. They were particularly afraid of a place they called the outer darkness. To them creation began when God said: “Let there be light.” To them, where there was only darkness there was only void and emptiness.
What great meaning and hope it must have been for them when they heard Jesus refer to himself as the light of the world. We need to hear these words this Christmas as we experience times of darkness in our personal lives. The darkness is real. But because of Christmas, it will never get so dark that you can’t see the light.
Into the darkness God sent an eternal light. As you walk outside this evening, notice that the darkness does not intrude upon the light. On the contrary, it is the light that intrudes upon the darkness. Light is always stronger than darkness. And the forces of light are stronger than the forces of darkness.
Sometimes in the bright light of day, in the middle of all the artificial, neon lights of our world, we don’t notice the flame of a burning candle. But let the power go out at night and a single candle can light up a room, shining into the dark corners.
The light of Christ is infinitely brighter than any candle. When the days seem dark with grief, Christ’s light will be there, shining forth to give you light, and warmth, and hope. For Christ is the light no darkness can overcome.
One little 4-watt light bulb in a nightlight can send light into several rooms and drive back the darkness. So just imagine what the Light of Christ can do!
It wasn’t by accident that Jesus was born in the middle of the dark night. He came to bring light in the midst of darkness, to shine in the dark nights that threaten to engulf us, to dispel the gloom and give us hope.
Jesus is the eternal power source. With Him there is never a power outage! His glorious light shines throughout eternity!
As you see the lights of Northeast and Windmont Parks, the lights on area homes, the candles glowing at the altar, may you be reminded of Christ’s light shining forth into your lives.
Yes, this will be a different holiday season, for our lives have been changed by the deaths of those we loved.
But we can celebrate Christmas enfolded in the loving arms of our God, the love from which nothing can separate us. We can celebrate in the light of Christ, the light no darkness can overcome.
In the midst of the darkness of our grief, the light of Christ is shining, bringing us comfort, peace, hope & most of all unfailing love!
May you find peace and joy knowing the Light no darkness can overcome!
Your sister in Christ,
Linnea Gustafson
The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of The Kewanee Voice.
***This column is sponsored by the Kewanee Ministerial Association
