Pat Gregory knows full well the work involved in caring for elderly or ill loved one. She cared for her mother in her later years and is the aunt her nieces and nephews call on for help and encouragement.
For the past nine years, she has been caring for her husband Jack, who suffers from Lewie body dementia and other health issues.
“The past five years have seen his condition really deteriorate,” said Gregory.
Jack, once a robust employee of Caterpillar, was a master at repairing and replacing car and truck engines, which acted as both a job and a hobby once he retired. He was also the love of her life.
“Jack was my soul mate,” she said. “He adopted my daughter Shannon and loved her as his own.”
Their son Jay joined the family, and together with Jack’s two children from a previous marriage, they have 15 grandchildren and seven great grandchildren. The two will soon celebrate 52 years of marriage.
Her husband’s type of dementia causes a more rapid decline than other forms of the disease. Gregory explains that it is often hard for him to understand her or to translate his thoughts into words. “He is often confused and gets frightened when she’s not close by,” she said. “Keeping him safe is a high priority.” This means he can never be left alone.
Gregory looks to the Veterans Administration for help.
“Jack’s exposure to Agent Orange when he was a soldier in Vietnam has come back to haunt him,” she said. “Because of that, we can meet with doctors there when necessary.” She adds that others with the condition don’t have the VA to go to for help. “We are lucky in that regard.”
Jack’s condition is not the only one to affect the group members. Many other issues require someone to be around the clock caregiver. Persons with heart disease, cancer, paralysis, mental illness, Parkinson’s disease and other forms of dementia often need constant care.
“Even when you have someone staying with your loved one while you run an errand or go to an appointment, they are always on your mind,” she admitted. “You are tethered to them no matter what you are doing, or where you are.”
Being a caretaker can be rewarding. But it is also exhausting and isolating. Friends and family are helpful, but much of the job is done alone. For many, it’s a 24/7 responsibility, with no vacations or payment for the work that is crucial to the loved one’s life.
Gregory felt that sharing a caregiver’s concerns with others would help her and others in the same situation. “I started the caregiver’s group in the spring, hoping to give support for all of us dealing with the stress of caring for an ill or handicapped loved one,” she explained.
She found that the only other support groups are in Peoria and the Quad Cities – too far for most people to travel. The meeting helps caregivers give each other ideas about care, resources available, and their own needs.
“Sharing experiences makes you feel less alone, and sharing resources is very helpful.” She admits that sometimes the frustration of caregiving almost gets the best of her. “Group members understand this like no one else can.”
As the leader of the group, she encourages any caregivers in the community to join the group.
“We hope to have health professionals and others speak to the group on ways to fend off depression and loneliness and provide information on what help is available,” she said. “It’s a very friendly, casual group.”
Gregory, a Galva native, grew up with five brothers, attended Galva schools and worked for a time as a dental assistant. She also operated a restaurant and is well known for her delicious pies and desserts. Before caregiving for her husband made her homebound, she worked for the school system as a bus aide and often spent time reading to the kindergarten classes. “I miss those children,” she was quick to say. “I loved them all.”
Now she puts her energy into making certain that Jack has what he needs. His care regimen involves helping him bathe, dress and take his medications. His diet must be monitored, and she prepares meals that are easy for him to eat.
She also must make certain his surroundings are safe, as his condition makes him unstable on his feet. He can’t be left alone, and she must have someone stay with him if she leaves the house.
“He gets very anxious when I am not there,” she said.
Starting the caregiver’s group has given her an emotional boost, as well as providing her with new friends.
“The members who come are wonderful,” she said. “We have a close bond that allows us to vent, share a few tears, some laughs, and know that we are not alone.”
When summarizing her job as a caregiver, Gregory says, “Fair or not, you play the cards you’re dealt. Being able to share your cares, fears and concerns with others makes that game of cards a little easier.”
Anyone interested in visiting the group is welcome to attend the next meeting on Tuesday, Dec. 16 at 7 p.m. in the Council Chambers at Galva City Hall.
For more information, text Gregory at 309-525-0898.
