I live in a small town where news is a scarcity. Before the advent of The Kewanee Voice, we were limited to the free weekly paper that included local happenings. Now with two sources, things are looking up for many of us who want and need to know what’s happening in our towns and villages.

Galva’s police blotter is long and lists the usual infractions: Speeders, those driving about sans a license or insurance, residents needing a wellness check and lots of loose dog reports (sometimes so many that I think we could rival “Pamplona’s running of the bulls” with our own “running of the canines”). Unlike the murder and mayhem of bigger cities, the local police blotter is rather benign. And that’s okay with me.

However, a past issue noted that our men in blue were called to a report concerning three lifeless squirrels lying near the street curb. The post went on to say that the trio were removed, and I suspect they were placed in a very flat box. I also recall the times they were called to a residence where a possum had waddled into the living room, summoned to remove frantic birds trapped in downtown buildings and asked to check out a ferret that had likely escaped its cage. I’m wondering what kind of training officers must undergo for such tasks. A shovel must be standard equipment, along with some boxes.

But….I’ve also had their help with problems in our neighborhood and welcomed their presence when the ambulance service carried me off to the hospital.  They are a great group to have in town. And I like to think that they aren’t faced with the dangers reported in the major news sources. But I digress…

Galva isn’t the only place with animal drama. Recently, the Dallas Zoo reported the theft of two emperor tamarin monkeys. Thankfully, they were located, unharmed. The monkeys are named for their resemblance to the German Emperor Wilhelm II, although they look more like Hulk Hogan. They live in small groups and the fathers take on most of the responsibility of caring for their young. The culprit who kidnapped them was found, but the reason for the theft has not been revealed. WWF fan perhaps – but which one?

Meanwhile, a British monkey sanctuary hired a Marvin Gaye impersonator to croon love songs to endangered Barbary macaques with the hope of getting the lady monkeys in the mood to mate. As with the tamarin monkeys, macaque males take on a lion’s share of childcare. Perhaps the Brits need to ramp up daycare efforts to get the couples to monkey around. Or maybe try streaming some Taylor Swift.

Now, back to the squirrels. The life span of a squirrel is long – up to 18 years. Unless, of course, they happen to sit too long on a busy street with a couple of their friends. Baby squirrels are called “kittens”, and although many people think they are pests, they aren’t all bad. They help reforest our land, eat pesky insects and inspire robotic engineers. They don’t need romantic music to get them in the mood to mate, nor are they in danger of being kidnapped. Unlike our enlightened male monkeys, momma squirrels shoulder most of their infants’ care, while dad’s out counting his nuts. Amazingly, these critters can find food under one foot of snow.

Next time you are out driving (licensed and insured) give the guys in blue a wave. Watch out for squirrels; don’t monkey around and remember that dogs love the outdoors – just make certain you and a leash are attached to its collar. Walking is good for both of you. And the police have better things to do.